Berkshire Hash House Harriers
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Run Number: |
1157 |
Visit the website – http://www.bhhh.freeserve.co.uk |
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Venue: |
The Star, Waltham St. Lawrence |
Email - iceman@bhhh.freeserve.co.uk |
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Hares: |
Lynda, Amanda, Clare, Jacqui (& 7-month bump!) |
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Sludgepuppies
Lynda Amanda Clare Jaqui Hashgate Motormouth Iceman Mother Theresa Lemming Puddleduck Bob Cap'n Haystax Foghorn Shep Lord Lucan Baldrick Bill Lilo Chopstix Lonely Arkle Beaver Ms. Whiplash Eth Salome Butterfly Dribbler John from New York Whinge Gusset Potty Nutcracker Le Voisin et chien Greenfly Bomber Shamcock BoPeep C5 Sue5 Squelchy Mr. Mainwaring Septic Dumper The Tremblers TT1 TT3 Jason BGB (arrived late!)
The Run
It was sunny. It was chilly. It was in the car park that Lilo, 2Bob and I viewed Bomber (a member of the Retarded School of Driving) attempting to park his power-steered car. After only 14 goes he managed to slide it forwards(!) into a gap wider than Berkshire. The sight was bested only by Greenfly, outdoing Lemming for lurid prophylactic headgear, strutting about the area with a luminous knitted Fair Isle condom on his bonce. I am pleased to say that sartorial good sense (or embarrassment) prevailed and he didn’t wear it for long.
After a brief intro from Mr. Mainwaring the hares stepped forward boldly…or rather didn’t. A somewhat diffident Lynda fronted them as the maidens toyed shyly with locks of hair, eyes downcast, drew lines with a toe. She delivered her apologia - "…plenty of mud..", "…mostly flat..", "…should be all right.." etc. A word of advice girls - look ‘em straight in the eye and tell ‘em in no uncertain terms "The trail’s out there, find it, run round it and/or bugger off". Lynda needn’t have worried. This was to be a damn good trail. The FRBs streamed out of the car park in the direction indicated and were immediately caught out by a short bar 2. Greenfly and I liked that one - it had some humour. Shortly after we all had to leap over or straddle a car tyre, which some kind soul had wheeled into the pack.
Bomber and I altruistically ran miles up the first false; Bomber on the thin pretext of ‘wanting to stretch my legs’. Sad really. I did it because this set the pattern of a 100% error of judgement record on my part. This put me far behind the pack which was quite interesting since my lung-bursting catch-up allowed me to view Butterfly’s trouserage - a striped concoction originating from a deckchair on Bournemouth pier. A little further on and I spied Jason, his nether regions clad in pyjama bottoms. A tad chilly for the day, but each to their own. At Waltham St. Lawrence church everyone stopped to admire the lovely view and John of N.Y. and I also admired a quite pathetic bar check which had been lovingly fashioned by the girls…and ignored by everyone else. Some poor slob kind soul had found the trail which the hares had kindly marked with handy arrows (very thoughtful) and we duly trotted off into the waiting shiggy. A rather crafty check found us mud-hopping down a long and deliciously filthy track. At the end of it Greenfly and I only just saw the flour circle underneath a carelessly parked car. It's not for me to say that the hares had placed it there while the car was parked - I’m sure they wouldn’t have… Anyway, this was a cracking check. Two trails led almost backwards. Greenfly took one and I the other. Ankle-deep in mud and halfway across the second field of horses I heard him shouting ‘On on’ and saw him running in the opposite direction to that which he had just checked! Startling a nearby mare with a muttered oath I retraced my soggy steps to be met at the check by Lynda, chortling and preening that she had caught someone out. My only compensation was her admission that she had laid the sodden false. It was on the mud track that Lonely was heard advising Motormouth and Puddleduck to take care jumping in the puddles or they might lose a shoe. This was just before he was left stranded on one leg after leaving one of his behind! Nice one, God.
The regroup appeared. Zillions of people were there already. How do they do that? A posse of attractive ladies, riding horses and wearing leather chaps had sparked Shep’s ageing Crumpet meter into life. However, he seemed to have run out of chat-up lines and merely held back the non-existent traffic as they trotted jauntily across the road. Motormouth and Puddleduck joined Lynda and Amanda for the shorter trail and we bashed off into even more shiggy. Another sly false left me stranded at the end of a turnip field with those who took the correct trail half a mile to my left. In the true spirit of the Hash I loped across the short cut to meet Lilo with whom I then discussed the weather. We caught up with the walkers and Clare, who was daintily edging round the shiggy. It didn’t stop us gentlemen from sploshing past. Ms. Whiplash was heard requesting a puddle to clean her trainers in - luckily Lemming was not in earshot or it would have been more than her trainers in the puddle! At this point Shep and I caught up with first Puddleduck and then Motormouth. Either we’re getting slower or the boys are getting faster! From here it was a bit of a cruise with Lord Lucan, followed by a late overtaking burst from Big Girl’s Blouse and a jog/chat with C5 to the On Inn. Can you believe the old chap was up drinking until 03:30 that morning? Yup. The way he was running, so can I. Right at the end 2Bob and Puddleduck were spotted sneaking a short cut and BoPeep was heard boasting that he was only back before everyone else because he had been up with Greenfly during the Hash. Of couse he was. I must say I thoroughly enjoyed this Hash and everyone I spoke to did too. The checks were good, the mud impenetrable and the pub and car parking excellent. Thanks girls.
On On.
Down Downs
RA C5 awarded the deserving as follows:-
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Name |
Reason |
Style points |
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Shep |
His 300th run! He becomes a life member - the old bastard. |
Excellent Shep style with only very minor spillage. |
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Septic & BoPeep |
It was a long tale. Dumper related how he had got lost following their instructions and nearly smashed up a police car. |
A tiny sip by Septic followed by a mighty quaff from BoPeep |
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John from New York |
Inviting everyone from BH3 into his New York bed! |
Not a drop was spilt! |
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Shamcock |
Saving Paddy the dog from certain death. |
Slow, but sure. Superb style. He savoured every drop. |
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Lonely |
Losing a shoe in the shiggy. |
Very tastefully done. |
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Lynda, Amanda, Clare & Jacqui |
The hares. |
Lemonade pints. Watering flowers with. Spillage. On various heads. Pathetic. |
Points to Note
Motox (BoPeep) is holding running training sessions for all every Wednesday at 19:30 from Asda car park at Honey End Lane, Meadway, Reading. Everyone welcome.
TT1 has a brand new pair of New Balance, Trail Buster off-road shoes for sale. Size 8. Width D. Original price £39.99. Sale price - a snip at £15.00.
Up and Coming
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Run Number |
Date |
Grid Reference |
Venue |
Hares |
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1159 |
06/02/00 |
634683 |
*Dumper’s 60th birthday* **Bring your own booze** |
Dumper & BoPeep |
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1160 |
13/02/00 |
870689 |
*The Red Dress Run* Opp. Bracknell Rwy station |
C5 & Lilo |