Whinge Mother Theresa Lemming Gussett Chopstix Wally C5 Sue5 Hashgate Motormouth 2Bob Puddleduck Bill Spex Amanda Clare Amanda Claire & Barney the dog Ann Binbag Nutcracker Potty Bomber Foghorn Greenfly Emma Magic Honeymonster Sukhpreet Iceman Dribbler and Padraig the dog The Cuddles BoPeep Whistleblower Blowjob Maneater Cheatinglingus John from New York Ms. Whiplash Salome Eth Nick Mavis Baldrick Squelchy Dumper Angela Mr. Mainwaring Tacky Zebedee(nee TT1) Florence(nee TT3) Hamlet and Jake Sticky Dicky Gulab Ja Moon Pyro

This was a Hash cocktail to stir rather than shake us. A finger of Mother Theresa; a dash of Whinge; all mixed with a squeeze of Lemming served with a Gusset as an excellent chaser to brighten up the morning. This one had the lot, including the best shiggy I’ve ever encountered - but more later.

Prior to the run Motormouth and I were calmly driving through Sonning Common when a wild-eyed Chopstix drove past us in the opposite, wrong direction. On seeing us wave, she executed a smoking-tyre J-turn and careered after us. Although I had my heel to the steel she caught up with us and no matter how we tried she damn well followed us to the pub! Can’t win ‘em all.

At the On Out we cantered off down to the green and I thought I’d peel off up a tiny snicket to the right, just out of sheer cussedness. This was also due to Cheating shouting to me, in a very supercilious, holier-than-thou, hoity toity, I know best, sort of voice that "It’s not up there". Much to my delight it was! Motormouth, 2Bob and Puddleduck had followed me (very wise, if I may say so) and the sudden high decibel combination of bass, tenor and falsetto "On On"s caused several eggbound lady pheasants to cross their legs, eyes and beaks after their ova burst from them like ping-pong balls. We crashed joyously through the forest, to be followed shortly by the desperate pack, led by Greenfly who was even more desperate to get up at the front. I am seriously thinking of lending him my cream to counter this problem, but for the moment he will have to do with two sticks of celery and an elastic band.

Not long after this I encountered the delightful Tacky, lounging silkily at a check. In reply to my bluff "Why aren’t you checking it out?" she responded that she was merely giving the Newbury A.C. chaps a head start since they couldn’t run for toffee. Or words to that effect. I heartily agreed that the poor fellows do their best but, well… we both shook our heads sadly. Shortly after Dumper appeared to have grown half a beard but this was just a result of meeting Lemming with one handful of mud. Several checks appeared, each with an alleged ‘face’ artistically crafted in the middle - or so the lovely Gusset told me. It was all Jackson Pollocks to me. Big Girl’s Blouse leapt out of the arboreal gloom like a tree sprite with a head band. God knows how he suddenly appeared.

I must say at this point that we were all thoroughly enjoying the trail. A bit of shiggy here, a dry slope in the forest there. You know the sort of thing; variety. Trail layers, take note. We bashed on until we got to a Long/Short bifurcation (one for you, Greenfly) where Cheating (ever thoughtful toward others) had kindly kicked out the ‘S’. I had had to wait for Motormouth and Puddleduck and, having sent them on the ‘S’ trail, stonked off down the ‘L’. Not a sound was to be heard since the long runners had legged it ages ago. However, after a period of lung-bursting sprinting I came upon the good Lemming who kindly pointed me on the right track. Oh, I should have known. Up the hill I went, heart pounding, arteries clogging, expecting any moment to catch the FRB’s. What I caught was a bar-14. Certain parts of Lemming’s anatomy swung into my mind’s view and it was then I wondered where I could get hold of any piano wire. Back down the hill, past the grinning Lemming and last to the beer stop/regroup. Here it was that Lemming presented C5 with a fine blow-up sheep since it had been decided that C5 had the right-size member to fit it’s woolly orifice. Bomber good-naturedly filled the back of Lemming’s trousers with mud. Guest Claire (Amanda’s daughter) ecologically terrorised a tree by breaking off a large lump of it. Who invited them? Oops, it was me.

RA C5 doled out free pints as follows :-