Ms. Whiplash Eth Salome LaybyLil Hashgate Motormouth 2Bob Puddleduck Anthony Bill C5 Paul5 Cheating Bomber StickyDicky Gulab Ja Moon Foghorn Spot Cap’n Haystax Emma TinOpener Miranda Hans(the dog) Paella Septic Dumper Zebedee Florence BoPeep Whinge Gusset GWK (GoodWithKids) Scrumper Squirrel Wally The Tremblers Richard Hairy Mary TT2 Flash Buffalo

The lady Hares looked very pretty with yellow ribbons in their hair and daffodils at their breasts (this is purely a descriptive anatomical reference). The sun shone on this crisp morning. Sticky Dicky looked a complete prat with a necklace of asphodelus…and there were those criminals who arrived without a flower! Horrors! Foghorn, Spot and Hairy Mary were dealt with summarily by Ms. Whiplash, being given a meringue shampoo while kneeling prior to the On Out. Quite right too.

Sticky, Cheating and I decided to start the Hash the way we meant to carry on – in totally the wrong direction. A fairly major mistake since everyone else had forged off in exactly the opposite direction, very quietly and no doubt waving Harvey Smiths at us. Well, we caught up in the end and all stopped at the invisible check. The Hares had told us that the trail was laid in yellow flour yet there were various areas where foraging creatures had obviously indulged in flour feasting orgies for there was nary a bloblet. So it was at this point that Trembler and Foghorn thundered off up a trail while the rest milled aimlessly. Not to be outdone I followed, somewhat lighter of foot. ½ a mile further on we found a yellow chinese ideogram that had obviously been laid by a Hare rather the worse for Mother’s Ruin. Taking this as a false the three of us hurtled back to be met only by the sight of the rapidly receding figures of Ms. Whiplash and the loquacious Wally. As I caught up Wally kindly replied to my breathless "Hello", stating in his gruff and helpful manner, that I was on a shortcut and if it wasn’t for his bad back he would have been on the proper trail etc. etc. The stream of words got fainter as I rushed ever forwards. The short cut had proved useful as it allowed me to head the field and with a couple of lucky guesses I was "On On"ing with the smugness of a man who’s lost a fiver and finds a tenner.

Shortly after this TT2 uttered the first of several puzzling announcements, Whether this presages the onset of the male menopause I know not. However, he stated without shame, "I’m feeling Lonely". The object of his attentions was not there to defend himself and TT2 honked his nose into a handkerchief and shot off up the hill before I got over my surprise. More later…

Gusset powered past, arse muscles working like steam hammers as Motormouth and Puddleduck arrived and together we toiled up to the first Long/Short, enjoying the sight of many people who had been called ‘On Back’ from across the valley. We waved casually as they gasped back up to us. Life’s a joy sometimes. At this splitting of trails it has to be noted that the revered C5 asked how long the long trail was. He should take a tip from Motormouth and get Paul5 to give him a piggyback. Bomber led off through the vertically challenged Christmas tree plantation and some fun began. We were led into some woods after a while and the standard Hash explosion took place, runners (runners!?) careering off in all directions, some even following flour. Yells echoed, brambles slashed, dry wood cracked, small groups met to discuss strategy and the Government’s policy on EU entry before racing off again. To your average wood pigeon perched above it must have been very confusing. "’Ere, Mr. P". Says Mrs Pigeon. "I fort them yumans were supposed to be clever". "Arr," replies her feathered spouse, winking and tapping the side of his beak with an outstretched claw, "but these be ‘Ashers." He shuffled along the bough, eyeing the head below, aimed carefully, took the strain….and a damn great golden eagle swooped out of nowhere and ate both the bastards.

And TT2’s final quote: "I think I’ve just pressed the red one by mistake!" Oooh, matron!

RA C5 presented the following :-