Easter bonnets abounded despite the lowering skies and imminent threat of rain. They ranged from the artistically crafted, like C5’s kepi style with hand sewn leaves and flowers, to Emma’s safety-pinned fluffy rabbit! There were paper, coolie-style hats, 2Bob’s Milky Way box stapled to a straw boater; Hamlet’s perfect straw head furniture, topped with sprigs of real straw and a wind-up plastic rabbit; Motormouth with a World Cup ’98 cap topped with fluffy, squeaking chick; Chopstix wore a swan-feather bridesmaid job with dangling chocolate eggs and superb yellow ribbon. A special mention must go to Fukawe who bravely appeared in bunny ears and outfit with fishnet tights – several of the older male Hash members were seen adjusting their pacemakers after glimpsing her provocative attire. Hamlet explained that the Hash would have four(!) checks and that there was a quiz. A letter of the alphabet would appear at various checks and the complete collection would spell a well-known Hasher’s name. Also, a check with an ‘E’ in it would indicate that an egg could be found. Some Hashers had to sit down at this point, intelligent thinking being too much for them. We were told the On Out was at a 240⁰ so I immediately approached Greenfly, knowing he would have a compass in his bumbag. He did. We set off confidently.

A major mistake this, although Dribbler and various others followed us, bleating and milling in that well-known woolly manner. So, any virgins reading this, never follow anyone setting off in a confident manner (especially Cheating!). Well it didn’t take long to catch up with the pack and we soon led off into wilder countryside where Daisy delighted us with her youthful grace by falling on her back in a ditch. Shortly after this I found myself following Captain Y-Fronts as he bounded through the forest. I just had to overtake him; the reason being that his Easter bonnet consisted of a baseball cap on top of which was a large ‘meat and two veg’ pointing backwards at me in a rather menacing manner. He was later seen carrying the offending article and he wasn’t holding it by the peak! We crashed through the soggy bracken, desperately seeking flour, but the Hares had craftily kept the pack together by not laying any….well we couldn’t see it. There was a prolonged period of standing about – a well known ploy of the lazy Hasher, and there were plenty of them around tonight.

Shortly after, we came to the first of the regroups and C5 sullied his reputation as a gentleman by attempting to push Daisy into the water-filled ditch. I say attempting as the poor, weak fellow never got anywhere near dunking her. She brushed him off as one would a moth on one’s cuff. He tottered off, older….but no wiser. We started off again and it was pleasing to see Cheating beasting off in entirely the wrong direction. We bade him return with a whispered "On back" and tiptoed on the right trail. Mind you, the FRB’s had misunderstood the alluring Fukawe’s Long/Short trail instructions (probably due to the fishnet effect on the male brain) and shot off, searching for the trail when all we had to do was follow everybody else. We managed to lose 2Bob here and he went for a bit of a jog on his own.

The next check yielded another letter – not that anyone was the wiser. Just who was called ‘EEIEF’? Don’t worry. I’ll reveal all later…and tell you the answer. Much scurrying about in the woods ensued until we reached the next regroup, when 2Bob deigned to join us once more. His son, Puddleduck, followed C5’s example and soaked Mother Theresa. Not a good move, since Lemming is not afraid of people smaller than himself – as he ably demonstrated by drenching Motormouth instead of the the larger Smokestack! Yet another regroup presented itself shortly after and I must say, they were doing a damn good job of clustering the pack. GBH remarked later that this had been a ‘proper’ Hash. I think he means he got plenty of rest and wasn’t left behind. Just as it started to rain Greenfly approached me to say he had just heard the first cuckoo. I was about to dismiss The Green One as a 1980’s beef eater when 2Bob confirmed the hearing. Forget The Times – you read it first with BH³.

Easy for some. Ms. Whiplash guessed the puzzle. It was C5, spelt phonetically. Nice one, Hares. However, considering most Hashers can’t spell alphabetically they were being optimistic. The trail split here – long and short. Skids asked me to point out that she took the short because she is a wimp. From here it was lashings of shiggy. Muck and biscuits aplenty. StickyDicky splashed heroically through croc-infested puddles. Lemming appeared (once) at the front of the pack. On through timber-strewn, waterlogged forest to the final regroup where Hamlet (having fallen a**e over t*t a little earlier) handed out Choccy eggs and Shep showed his manliness by dunking the more slightly built Baldrick in a huge puddle. Baldrick took it well and responded with some fearsome splashing before Foghorn and Mr. Blobby joined in and caught the rest of us.

Rain began to fall in earnest as we splashed off across the paddy fields, Old Fart and I kicking up enough spray in the knee-deep water to sink a battleship. Not long to the ‘On Inn’ and very pleasant to get into the pub it was too. An excellent trail, Hares. The pack kept together well and the shiggy was plentiful. On On. Hashgate.

Summer Tough Guy – Sunday July 30^th at Old Perton, West of Wolverhampton. Anyone want to join BH³ team for 4 miles of off-road run, followed by 1 mile of assault course see Hashgate or email Philip.Knight@icl.com for details. Entry fees to charity and you don’t have to do all the obstacles.