Stan Flash Ms. Whiplash Gulab Ja Moon Sticky Dicky Honeymonster Cap’n Haystax 2Bob Puddleduck Hashgate Motormouth Eth TinOpener Miranda Hans(the dog) LaybyLil Butterfly Dribbler Spot Nutcracker Potty Greenfly Dumper BoPeep C5 Septic Gusset Chopstix CircuitBreaker NoWorries Cof Smurf Shep Daisy Wally Cheryl Cap’n Y-Fronts Zebedee Florence Lonely Beaver(thedog) Spunky Eric the Viking DelBoy Dwight Dave Dwight(?)Baldrick Foghorn Philip Jackie Karen Ron

Oh dear. After two late arrivals I’ve really done it this time. Twenty minutes late! Thus this Gob Sheet is not going to report fully the Hash as it happened – my apologies to one and all, especially Stan and Flash.

Still; what could I expect? I remarked to Motormouth on the way that "It looks like we’ll be on time this week". What a stupid thing to say. We were, in fact, early. Took the right exit off the A34 and duly headed for Snelsmore Common using a 1963 map borrowed from my next door neighbour. Were we worried that the M4 featured not upon it? No we weren’t. We were headed for Snelsmore Common and we had that warm glow from seeing flour blobs on the side of the road. We now know the roads around the area rather well and so do 2Bob and Puddleduck. Twenty five minutes later we surprised them as they shot round the corner, just as lost as us. Good old Snelsmore bloody Common – a peaceful, forested countryside…with no pub. Eventually, we drove up Arlington Road for the umpteenth time and came upon a couple of old biddies toiling up the hill we were to run down later (the hill, that is). Pausing beside their breathless, raddled carcasses I teased the wing mirror away from a heaving bosom and enquired politely of the whereabouts of the Fox and Hounds. "Which one?" Came the blank reply. Were I not a gentleman I would have sprung lightly fom the car, ripped the old bat’s head off, spat in it’s eye and stuck it back on the still spurting neck. Luckily, I resisted the impulse, turned on the charm and finally elicited the required info. Thirty seconds later 2Bob and I left an inch of tyre rubber on the road and the old biddies disappeared in a cloud of smoke as we roared away from Snelsmore Common to the tucked away, but bleedin’ obvious pub. Well, we’re not rough, tough Hashers for nothing and we’ve paid our subscription so we thought we’d get our money’s worth and try to catch the pack. This is 2Bob (with a cold), me (after today’s 10k race), Puddleduck and Motormouth (aged 8). You might think we had as much chance as a one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest…….…we did.

I should really have listened to Iceman earlier in the day. I approached him from the rear (I find it safer that way) during the early stages of the Shinfield 10k and, since I could still talk at this point, offered him a cheery greeting and enquired as to whether he would be attending the Hash that evening. He fixed me with a fearsome Scottish glare and uttered a terse "D’ye think I’m stupid?!" with far more Hibernian accent than was strictly necessary. I decided not to answer his question, since the truth sometimes hurts and I did not want to finish the race with a broken nose and certain dangly body parts stamped indelibly with the word Asics. Talking of the 10k, congratulations to fellow Hashers Lynda, Amanda, Clare and Cloggs for taking part (and anyone else I did not see) and particularly to Spunky (aka Nick from Newbury) for finishing fifth overall. Amanda should perhaps also be lauded for completing the London Marathon recently, although I do feel that this infiltration of BH³ by fifth columnist ‘athletes’ who probably (dare I use the word?) ‘train’ – I’ll be happy to attempt an explanation of that word to anyone who needs it – may need to be addressed most seriously by The Committee. Brothers and sisters; shall we stand by as the the solid foundations of The Hash (drinking, eating, walking, sitting, ageing and gaining weight) are undermined by the elitist moles of the athletic classes?

But I digress. 2Bob, Puddleduck, Motormouth and I attempted to check out the trail. This would have been easier if some flour arrows had been laid (like Whinge does – good old Whinge) or every check had been kicked through. Flour blobs were a good size though and with the boys running well, we eventually fetched up gratefully at the country park where we viewed Flash enjoying a pint, surrounded by Ms. Whiplash, Miranda and others. Motormouth and I had already driven to this point earlier and met Gulab Ja Moon (who also didn’t know where the pub was) and a lady park ranger who was stating that she would put out Cheating’s guerilla barbecue fire. Frankly, I hadn’t felt like eating barbecued simian so it made no difference to me. From here it was a gentle jog back to the pub, via that blasted Arlington Road, with a chat to Chopstix and Circuit Breaker, C5, Dumper and Gusset.

RA C5 presented the following :-

Hash Olympics – 17^th & 18^th June in Gloucestershire. See GBH for details.