Centaur TT2 Hashgate Motormouth 2Bob Puddleduck HoneyAnt Spunky Dwight Cap’n Haystax BGB StickyDicky Wally Florence TinOpener Dave Trevor Bill(Rawhide – see Down Downs) Greenfly C5 Ms. Whiplash BoPeep Cheating Lonely and Beaver Roger Jeff GBH Baldrick Cap’n Y-Fronts Tweenie OldFart Binbag TwinCam Scrumper Nutcracker Karen Lucy Dominic Lawrence SSTI Wetnurse Eth PonyExpress Buffalo GulabJaMoon Spot LaybyLil Salome Flash NoWorries Honeymonster Cyclogical Whinge Phil Jackie BJ Potty TerryDactyly – plus many a North Wilts hasher like Sunbeam, DarthWader, MuddyBum, Becca and many others.

Conan Doyle would have been scratching his bonce with the stem of his Meerschaum over this one. You needed more than a snort of coke and a scrape on the violin to figure it out. The ‘Sign of Four’ in question was a clear, well-placed bar-4 on an open road. It foxed everyone and the mystery of it was never solved. See later for more details.

Before we start I thought an explanation of a few of the more often heard Hash shoutings might be useful to the newer members of BH³ ….

"On On" – when called in a loud and confident manner means that the caller is on the correct trail and everyone should follow. If called by Shep it should be ignored at all costs unless you fancy a sojourn into totally uncharted territory.

"On Back" – is usually called by an exasperated Hare who has noticed that the pack have completely ignored the carefully placed flour blobs and gone their own sheeplike way. This call should ensure their return and direction to the actual (rather than imagined trail). Ladybird, take note.

"On Inn" – is the flour sign placed carefully to let the Hash know it is only a short distance (approx. 2 miles) from the pub.

"On On…Urk!" – occasionally accompanied by a scream, is the sound of an FRB (Front Running Bastard) who has found that elusive fourth blob indicating the correct trail after a check, only to slip on an errant dog turd and fall into a ditch – much to the delight of the other FRB’s.

Anyway, back to the Hash. Chilton Foliat was clogged with a multicoloured melange of Hash participants though we spotted only one wearing the pink(!) T-shirt of North Wilts. This lovely little village had never seen such a collection of misfits before. C5 officiated at the Gather Round, introducing several virgins who were welcomed in the traditional warm Hash manner. We set off and fetched up at the first check, where Old Fart showed his true level of endurance by having a bit of a sit down on the mile post. Newbury Dave and I trotted off down a likely snicket and found ourselves not only on the trail but crossing a very pleasant river calmly flowing between dense, lush vegetation. This set the scene for the night – some really beautiful countryside. It was shortly after that we hit the country road with ‘The Sign of Four’. Most of us bleated our way up the hill on the other side of the road where we spotted a lone Greenfly flitting down the road like his shorts were on fire. Since a tractor was in the adjacent field spraying insecticide, Wally made the comment that he (Greenfly) was obviously frightened of the stuff in case he got a dose and snuffed it. You see, Wally can be funny sometimes! Well, we streamed back down to the road and along to the bar-4. Excellent chaos ensued. Greenfly had already ignored it. Some more people did. Quite a few, including me, started going back for the fourth blob….and then everyone went straight over it – which was the right way. I never did get to ask the busy Centaur what the hell was going on but if anybody found out, please tell me. Well we On Righted up the hill a little further on, despite a large blob off to the left, and most people walked and chatted in true athletic Hash fashion. Particularly Eth, Binbag and Nutcracker. Once we hit the top the view was spectacular – great rolling swathes of wheat(?) leading down into the stream-strewn flood plain of Freeman’s Marsh and we enjoyed the cruise down the track to the main road. It all got a bit wet from here. What with Beaver leaping crazily in the canal after some geese and then swimming a couple of miles in the wrong direction with poor Lonely alternately exhorting, cajoling and threatening the beast to "get out of the bloody water!" We watched the show from the safety of the al fresco regroup alternately cajoling, exhorting and threatening Beaver to "stay in the bloody water!" Bill, at this point had decided to start a stampede of the cows by running through them; an action that got it’s just reward at the Down Downs. Off we went again and Beaver got his own back by watching us wading through knee-deep streams. I must give Phil a mention here. As he approached the bridge with a bar on it I pointed out that this meant he should take the watery route. Without hesitation he sploshed in. I leave it to your own minds as to whether this was excellent adherence to Hash principles or rank stupidity…. I should also point out that Big Girl’s Blouse, Binbag, Nutcracker, Tweenie, SSTI, Wetnurse and Spot all went across the bridge. Shame on you! There was a fair bit more watery stuff in the offing and then we were off on a loop where I chatted with the delightful MuddyBum before bounding back up that bloody great hill. However, the views from the top were well worth the effort and the information, imparted from Becca, that the equally hilly Melinda Messenger lived in the area made it doubly so.

It wasn’t long before we hit the second regroup by a lovely thatched cottage and pair of stocks and found C5, GBH, Whinge, Flash etc. waiting for us like some louche collection of ancient Hell’s Angels. Motormouth and I joined them and had a very pleasant stroll through the speckling rain back to the pub.

RA C5 presented the following :-