The Players

Prelude – As the huge crowd gathered in the car park in seemed to me like a great orchestra preparing to perform. Here the bass section: BoPeep, Foghorn, Cap’n Haystax and Sir Galahad. There the flutes and piccolos: Baldrick, Spex and myself. Reeds and pipes: Puddleduck, Motormouth and HoneyAnt. Violins, violas and tubular bell(e)s: all the young ladies. Brass: The rest of the ladies…and Tweenie. Wind section: Old Fart, Foghorn (again) and Whinge. Organ:… well, I’ll leave that to the ladies to decide. We had all turned up and tuned up with great expectation of an evening of harmony only to find that the principal conductor was Wally with first violin Stewpot! Wally raised his baton (filthy swine; and with dogs and children present) and talked at us for a bit at the Gather Round before the On Out.

First Movement (Largo) – Defined as ‘slowly, broadly, in an ample, dignified style’. This suits the start of the Hash precisely since we walked from the car park and over the road into the forest in a very harmonious manner. The movement continued at a slightly (but only just) more rapid pace until the initial trilling notes of ‘On On’ receded diminuendo as the whole shebang ground to a halt in a discordant clash. We had lost the trail. Despite all the efforts of our manic conductor the various soloists (FRB’s) could not tune in. This was hindered further as Tweenie, three-quarters of the way up a false blew a trumpet involuntary which got half the Hash following (and then sneering and jeering at) him. Well it took the slower members to figure it out and we all duly took off into the woods amid fanfares and a mixture of soprano and bass ‘On On’s’. This gave me an opportunity to sneak up behind Spex and yell. I did this a number of times during the run and delighted at the heart attack cringe and ‘new pair of trousers please’ gasp that it produced. Ah; simple pleasures…

Second Movement (Andantino) – ‘Slightly quicker than andante’. And indeed it was with Fukawe, Arsenal, KneeTrembler and NoNookie bouncing along in time. Steamer was showing a good turn of speed until another bar appeared and the FRB’s declined to enunciate fortissimo so that the rest of the players could hear. StickDicky, Foghorn, BoPeep and Whinge crashed off into the woods in various directions. Baldrick and I in another until we met 2Bob returning after a long solo passage. Wally eventually conducted us the right way and we were off for a bit of water music round the shiggy pond where Florence delighted the critics by falling in the (orchestra) pit, or stream. From here she carried on with one black leg.

Third Movement (Molto vivace) – And very much in a brisk, lively manner it was too. We split off for the long and medium pieces. The long had evidently been scored especially for us by the Hares. It raced along in a series of hilly crescendos causing members of the orchestra to lose their rhythm. Indeed, one gentleman almost bent his instrument. Whinge reappeared looking very scratched, but triumphant! Then we all attempted to do a solo at the same time, led by the First Violin who seemed to be doing his own thing. Mr. Blobby led off in one direction, Lonely and Beaver in another, Spunky, Centaur and Sir Galahad here, a shirtless Hamlet there. We hurtled toward the finale down a long track, thoughts of the 1812 in mind as I cannoned off Foghorn; church bells ringing, explosions, a blizzard of violins. The On Inn appeared, a mile from the end. We scaled the last achilles-snapping heights and descended, exhausted, to took our bows back in the car park.

‘Some interesting passages’. ‘Long and sustained’. ‘Ffff*****!’. ‘The best piece was that lady in the orange shorts’. ‘Woof woof’. Thanks Wally and Stewpot – it’s one of the best places we Hash.
On On. Hashgate.

Finale - Maestro C5 awarded lager bouqets to the following :-