Whinge Paella Ingrid SSTI Hashgate Motormouth BoPeep CanOpener Miranda CircuitBreaker GBH
Mr. Mainwaring Squelchy HeyBabe Scrumper Rawhide Cap’n Haystax Potty Nutcracker Tacky Larry Chopstix OrganGrinder AndyGray Zebedee Florence TT2 HairyMary CrewYou MotherSheep ItsYour FannySniffer Mr. Blobby PartyAnimal WetNurse C5 OldFruit OldFart Greenfly Chris Eth Ms. Whiplash Salome 2Bob Puddleduck HoneyAnt Skids SlipperyDick AllanJones Baldrick Richard

According to GBH, later, this was a very good Hash. Need we say more? What he meant was that due to darkness descending earlier and earlier at this time of year it necessarily had to be fairly short. Whinge and Twinkle achieved this difficult feat with alacrity. I’m sure they would have liked to lay a fearsome long trail in there somewhere, just to stretch their legs you understand, but they hid their disappointment well. Whinge kept with the spirit of abridgment by giving us the shortest On Out speech so far. "It’s on that way." He pointed (not surprisingly) out of the car park. Mind you, after Mr. Mainwaring’s rambling intro and extended welcomes to virgin and overseas Hashers this was a welcome relief – perhaps we should rename him Circumlocutio?

We duly hared out knowing that at our backs Time’s winged chariot was hurrying near (a free pint to the first person who tells me what poem that came from and the poet). A minor mistake on the part of Motormouth, OldFart, Scrumper, Potty and myself since we hit the first false of the day; directly opposite an arrow pointing back the way we had come! Confused? We were.

There was quite a bit of sunny Tilehurst to troll gaily through. How we enjoyed the disbelieving gawps of the locals, especially those delightful kids on bikes. Although it was very pleasant to have a bit of a rough and tumble sprint with CircuitBreaker who attempted a spot of shirt pulling and retired coughing and wheezing in the gutter after some ten metres…. We soon reached a bit of Transco roadworks by a well bulldozed cut. As this was the first off-suburban piece of trail some people went this way, jumping over safety barriers with smiles of expectation on their faces. Not for long. They soon returned, assuring that others searched far and wide through the surrounding tarmac avenues. Naughty them! Just because there appears to be no flour doesn’t mean it isn’t the trail. For indeed it was. We all leapt back over the barriers and I shot down the path with Greenfly who confirmed that flour was a commodity in very short supply in this area.

A little after, we watched one of the most amusing sights. CircuitBreaker, Chopstix, various others and I stopped at a gate in front of which was a narrow strip of land separating two fields. A large crowd of hooligan horses were in the left field, snorting and stamping indignantly because they wanted to join their yobbo mates in the right-hand field but were being baulked by our bunch of brightly-coloured hooligan Hashers. We stood quiet and still and it was then that we noticed Itsyour, standing by the only tree in the narrow strip of land, with one shoe off. Foam began to form on the lips of various steeds, nostrils flared, eyeballs glared, teeth gnashed – in fact this was happending to ItsYour as he realised his plight. We watched in awe. If only Rawhide had been there he could have sorted it out in seconds. I wondered briefly where ItsYour was going to get a fresh pair of shorts when the mad beasts stampeded past either side of him, the ground shuddering with the pounding of hooves. As the pounding subsided he shakily replaced the shoe and staggered back to join us. If only I had had a camcorder!

I must offer ItsYour an apology at this point. Some mischevious person had told me some time ago that his Hash name was Circle (his surname being Round) and I have been putting his name down as such ever since. Sorry, old bean.

So we hit the regroup. We found that HairyMary was wearing new shoes. Amazingly, he got away with this at the Down Downs. C5’s informers need to be better sneaks. Paella’s virgin friend, big Ingrid from the fjiords could well prove to be a fine Hasher in the making. At the regroup she was heard asking "Is that it? Can we all go home now?". Fine sentiments, madam. Damn nearly everyone went on the long trail because it was so short although many short-cutted across fields, including Foghorn, Chopstix, HeyBabe and CircuitBreaker. Tacky attempted to get smart by calling a Shep-style ‘On on’ in the wrong direction. It did her no good. Hardly anyone believed it so she had to return somewhat sheepishly (ideal for the Baarkshire Hash) , putting a brave face on her embarrassment.

Phil, Khazi, SpeedBumps and newly christened BakewellTart had arrived very late but had very altruistically run round the trail on their own. Chatting to them, I asked BakewellTart if she had managed to get the flour out of her hair after last week. In reply, she said it had been really difficult, as the stuff was caked in…cake tin (geddit!!). The woman’s obviously obsessed with gateaux and probably has a room set aside for her confection collection.

RA C5 presented the following :-