Bomber Ladybird Foghorn Chopstix Rawhide Spot Cap’n Haystax Honeymonster Magic Salome Tacky Martin (her neighbour) Larry Dumper Trembler 2Bob Puddleduck HoneyAnt Florence Eth Ms. Whiplash BGB GBH CircuitBreaker Gusset Hamlet and Jake Wally Lemming MotherTheresa Brian Neil PonyExpress Shep and Gnarler (that’s how I’m spelling it) LordLucan Dribbler (sans Paddy. "For shame" I hear you cry) Cloggs BoPeep Cheating Shamcock TinOpener Lonely and Beaver Baldrick Spex (wearing fetching underwear noir) … and finally, Squirrel

GM incumbant Ms. Whiplash was stood on a pedestal (as indeed she should be) to instigate proceedings and Ladybird showed everyone a clean pair of heels to prove there was no mud on the trail. The Hash duly decamped for a short jog. Bomber provided a deadpan quote to me before the start: "It’s not a short trail." He said. Let’s see what Rawhide thought.

Well the first thing Rawhide managed to gasp out, like one of those heavy breathing telephone callers, was "There’s Whiplash…out in front". Evidently, the shapely form of Ms. Whiplash was getting to our correspondent in the field since the next couple of seconds sound positively obscene! I can only assume this was due to hard running, though knowing Rawhide this is difficult to believe. …

Lemming and Cheating are spotted short-cutting; surprise, surprise and then everyone gets lost in the woods and there is a spot of doubling back. Standard stuff for BH³. Oops! At this point and a few times later, Rawhide finds the same problem C5 had last week. Namely, that unless you push the ‘record’ button right forward it doesn’t. Record, I mean. Consequently, there are delightful snippets of C5 drawling into the machine from the week before, which adds to the confusion. However, we shall persevere.

Lemming likens a garden gnome to Mr. Mainwaring, but Rawhide asserts he can’t tell which is the gnome and which is Lemming. And if you’ve ever seen Lemming on the Red Dress Run you wouldn’t be able to either. CircuitBreaker is spotted doing chin ups on a swing in a vain attempt to impress everyone with her muscle. She does indeed have excellent biceps from all that heavy lifting of pint glasses.

There seem to be a lot of woods and plenty of wind on the trail –hopefully not all from Rawhide. He spots some Fallabella or Shetland ponies just before an about-turn from a false trail where Florence is noted a) running (!) through the woods, and b) talking to herself. I blame it on Zebedee myself. It’s probably the only intelligent conversation she gets. The regroup finally arrives and after a bit of a chat Bomber attempts to be heard. Foghorn kindly assists with a gentlemanly one hundred decibel "Shut the f**k up" which seems to do the trick. From here it seems there are two sets of long and short trails, just to complicate things. Off they go and shortly afterwards Spot mistakes a Pyrenean mountain dog for a donkey. Weird. Florence joins the FRBs….and at this point the tape returns to C5 commentary from last week. Oh, dear. I might have to make up the rest of this Gobsheet. No change there, I hear you say.

Bomber, presumably riddled with guilt at laying such a long trail, had pressed a crisp twenty in my hand to buy beer for after the Hash. This was duly slurped with great appreciation, particularly by Shep who managed to get a quart into a pint pot. It must have been rather similar to putting on his running trousers that morning. Shamcock confessed to being downright freezing after having spent some time in Africa recently. I had a chat with Dribbler regarding the merits of Barbour jackets and couldn’t make my mind up whether he looked more like David Beckham or Vinnie Jones. Probably Vinnie; I just couldn’t imagine Victoria mercilessly shagging him. Queen Victoria, maybe. Tacky surprised us all by wearing sandals without socks (must be mad unless she’s becoming a born-again Christian). While CircuitBreaker went one better by going bare footed and showing off a rather alluring shade of toenail varnish.

His Honourable Loqaciousness GBH acted as RA and presented the following :-

Please note: Wally’s Moonlight Hash is being postponed until the 18^th.