Potty Foghorm Spot C5 2Bob Puddleduck HoneyAnt Hashgate Motormouth IzzieThe Drunk Sam PartyAnimal Honeymonster Magic Katharine Chris Mick Judy Neil Centaur Spunky Dave Baldrick Mrs. Foghorn Florence Zebedee BoPeep Chopstix Binbag Iceman Sue5 Squelchy Septic Dumper Wally Dolly Lemming MotherTheresa Miranda and Emma TinOpener HeyBabe Bomber Hamlet and Jake Lonely and Beaver Shep AntiHash CircuitBreaker GBH (with grandbaby Ella) Handful LeViosin Dribbler Kay and Gnarler Greenfly Ms. Whiplash Eth Spex Steamer The Tremblers Mudman Mudwoman Cloggs

Billed as ***** NUTTY’S CHRISTMAS LUNCH ***** the event attracted quite a posse of freeloading scoffers and drunks. The inhabitants of the area can’t have seen such a display of mass car parking for quite some time. Although it must be pointed out that some was better than others. Squelchy (thankyou for turning up from so far away, ma’am) took two or three goes to shoehorn her tiny car into a gap the size of the English Channel and Wally decided on the abandonment style – and got a splash of flour on his shiny red bonnet (the car’s, that is) for his trouble. A lot of other people got ‘floured’ before the run; Bomber and HoneyAnt in particular appeared to have advanced dandruff. Mother Theresa; well, she just asked for it. Sneaking up behind Foghorn as he gave his Hares speil at the Gather Round and trying to grab a handful of McDougalls from his bag ensured she was squashed against the wall by the said Foghorn and liberally sprinkled as he continued his speech. She looked like a Columbian in a coke factory.

Motormouth and I went ever upwards, through the forest and another wringing wet field, mostly behind the luridly legged Gusset and Mudwoman, both of whom nattered incessantly. We had to overtake just to stop the constant yak,yak,yak, ‘better washing powder than before…’ yak,yak, ‘had to have it lanced…’ yak,yak, ‘couldn’t sit down for two days…’ etc. Until Mudwoman came out with the strartling admission that she can’t run very well. So. No new revelations there, then.

We managed not to get a shock on the electric wire (C5 did) and pelted (sort of) up the path chased desperately by CircuitBreaker, Mother Theresa and Chopstix. They seemed so concerned to pass that Motormouth (nasty, chesty cough) and I (one knee on the blink) stopped and let ‘em go. Bit of a mistake, this, as Wally had waited to talk to me. I put on my best ‘how interesting’ face and let him talk. In actual fact, it turned out to be very interesting indeed. It seems that Steamer was bitten by a viper about twenty years ago and, luckily, lived to tell the tale. Mind you, I didn’t find out what happened to the snake….

CircuitBreaker and the girls hove into view again and she and I discussed the excellent Reflex Christmas disco that we had been to (no, not together) on Friday night. She described my superb dancing prowess in terms of ‘You were flinging yourself about a bit’. How dare you, madam! Mind you, I was fairly pissed and she may well be right.

From here it seemed that the Hares were guilty of serious plagiarism. ‘I recognize this.’ I thought. And indeed we were running backwards along the trail that HairyMary and I had laid in the summer! Still, we couldn’t get lost and though Motormouth and I were last in the pack we managed to pick up HoneyAnt, Squelchy and Septic and joined the short trail – a trail mark that many missed, ending up on the long. But they caught up with us by that superb pig farm where skittering piglets escaped right, left and centre and Baldrick delighted us all by tripping over the electric wire and ending up face first in the pigshit! A sort of stye in the eye for him. Shep and Hamlet had been the first to appear to us; Hamlet because he is a good runner and Shep because Gnarler the dog was dragging him along like a rag doll on a string. C5, BoPeep, Trembler, Mudman, Lemming et al staggered calf-deep along the wonderful shiggy road. It was some of the best we’ve been in. From here we dropped ever downward into Whitchurch, Honeymonster eschewing the safe path for a more challenging route through the oncoming traffic.

A difficult start and end for the Hares on this trail, but we all came back safely. The rest was fine countryside and that road by the pig farm was brilliant. Thanks Potty and Foghorn.

After a little prompting by GM Ms. Whiplash, RA C5 presented fizzy European lager the following :-