Shep and Gnarler the dog Hashgate Motormouth 2Bob Puddleduck HoneyAnt Foghorn Ms. Whiplash Eth Salome Neil Mick Judy Le Voisin C5 Sue5 Spot Potty Nutcracker Baldrick GBH CircuitBreaker Greenfly Amanda and Barney the dog Dumper Septic Kay and Gnarler the dog (the other one) The Tremblers Chopstix PartyAnimal Lonely and Beaver the dog BoPeep Bomber HeyBabe BGB Binbag Jill Denise Caboose ChunderGuts Whinge and Dee(see Down Downs for these two!)

Many will remember that little song from Rosie and Jim. Usually, it typifies the Hash but today there was damn all flour and most of us seemed loath to follow the trail. The day was beautifully sunny and colder than a polar bear’s chuff. The frost lay thickly in shaded areas and even the normally torpid PartyAnimal warmed up by running in circles. Shep’s Gnarler shivered like a hairy jelly with legs. At least Le Voisin didn’t wear that blasted tea cosy on his head. Kay appeared, looking alarmingly like Alice Beer with a dog! There were more tremblers in the car park than the usual two. At the Gather Round newcomers Caboose and the delightfully named ChunderGuts were introduced, Shep kindly pointed the On Out and we all sped off, trying to get warm. Our picture shows a frozen Shep (for some reason wearing a skirt) attempting to display all his research material for this Hash – yeah, like he did some!

An early false caught Judy and me out, although we got to chat to some people burning a dismembered body (I think) in their garden. We rejoined the pack that were streaming towards a stile across a very boggy field…and here it began to go horribly wrong. We missed the (or there was no) check in the field so those of us who went left at the road found a false; those who went right found nothing. We tarried awhile, enjoying the sun and chatting, while Greenfly and others back-checked. BoPeep enquired if any had brought deckchairs. Time passed. And then the On On came from up the road where no flour had ever been. We had missed Shep’s carefully laid excursion. We met him at the road junction and gave him the benefit of wry smiles and witty comment before carrying on. We carried on a bit more. Then at precisely 11:21 PartyAnimal and I spotted some flour and marked the occasion with a gay jig and a triumphant "Huzzah". Others gathered quickly to be part of the merriment and joy was unconfined. Several ladies fainted at the rarity of seeing a ‘dash o’ the MacDougalls’ and a tear welled in BoPeep’s manly eye.

On through a field and HeyBabe, Chopstix and Handful were chatting about how to seduce a man with chocolate. Personally, the chat-up line "’Ello, darlin’. Fancy a Cadbury’s finger?" has never secured me the attentions of even the scabbiest old donkey. I fail to see how it would work on a chap. The subject of blokes obviously was of great interest to this trio of totty since every time I saw them later they were chewing over the subject. Less red meat, girls. And more cold baths.

We split for the long and short and the dogs were getting covered in shiggy and enjoying every minute. That is until a charging Greenfly attempted to boot Kay’s Gnarler over the crossbar for two points. Serious dog abuse and no Down Down later!

We hurtled through the leaf-strewn forest and poor Foghorn tried to disjoint his sacro-iliac. Luckily he didn’t and we pressed on o’er stream and mud. And then we managed to miss the stupendously well laid trail again. I joined C5 as we all hurtled across a flourless field, passing the walking PartyAnimal (shoes too slippery to run!) and we decided on a Hash name for Judy as she kindly opened the gate for us. Shep told us we should have come up the road next to the field, but our way was much nicer. After this bit Shep had obviously got more interested, since there were back checks and flour aplenty in the woods….until we found a beautifully laid check that stumped us for ages. Eventually, we streamed off down the shiggy hill where Jill told me it wasn’t quite as slippery as last week….just before dropping like a felled ox at my feet. She staggered up, flicked off some shiggy and gave me a wry smile. Gentleman that I am, I returned her smile by laughing like a drain. Dumper, Chopstix and Spot all nearly suffered the same fate. We reached the beer stop and gratefully quaffed the waiting ale so thoughtfully provided by Shep, then those of us stupid enough took the long trail and the sensible ones (like Motormouth, Puddleduck and HoneyAnt) got a lift back with Shep and the beer.

We entered well known territory on the long trail but it did us no good at all. Thanks to a certain aphid who found the false on a path but omitted to notice the true trail leading off through the woods we all milled about at the top of the hill for some fair time. BGB and Foghorn disappeared off into the woods. Knee Trembler and I discussed the options. Bomber shot off somewhere else. BoPeep lurked listlessly between trees. Eventually Shep appeared and called us on and for the next fifteen minutes we crackled about in the woods. I managed to catch up with Bomber just as he nonchalantly kicked through a check with a sniff and a "Seems about right". The bugger had no idea at all! Luckily we were going the right way as evidenced by regular blobs of flour on the long and winding road down to the A4 and the On Inn (Shep obviously had not run out of flour by this point!). From here it was but a bit of a trot, or a dot and carry in my case, to the pub where Greenfly overtook me (where the hell had he been?) just before the car park.

Prior to the expected event Dumper officiated when rewarding C5 with two pints of water for flooding both his and his wife’s car on two separate occasions in London while parked when watching Fulham. C5 then presented the following :-