DPW Dwight Spot SkyDiver TightFit Hashgate Eric the Viking Foghorn Centaur Cyclogical Flash Neil Mick Cerberus Buffalo PonyExpress Tweenie TerryDactyl Gusset Spunky OldFart ItsYor Mr. Blobby Mrs. Blobby Utopia Lynda Gutbucket Steve Judith Amanda Harimau Paella Hamlet Butterfly with Paddy the dog Dribbler Danish Tom Natasha Eth Ms. Whiplash Salome C5 Potty Nutcracker Spex Whinge TC EasyRider Insider and Kundun the dog Septic Wally Trembler Cap’n Haystax Carl Marigold Shirtlifter Baldrick Tacky BGB Motox Florence… and much later: Zebedee Lonely and Beaver

Before anything else we must commiserate with Baldrick. His cunning plan (according to Wally) to shorten the long trail by hurling himself to the ground while at full stride resulted in a broken collar bone, clavicle and two ribs. Fortunately, a lady with a Range Rover happened by and she threw him in the back, along with the caring Mr. Blobby, and carted them off to hospital. BH³ wishes you well, Paul, and a rapid recovery. We look forward to seeing you back on the Hash. Incidentally, you have been written into BH³ folklore. The term 'doing a Baldrick' is to be applied to any Hasher involved in a tumble. Our picture shows Baldrick in physiotherapy, playing the violin. Since he has never played it before, the recuperative period looks as though it will bring additional benefits to his lifestyle.

Baldrick was not the only person tripping and stumbling. Perhaps we are unused to the off-road experience. Tacky nearly broke her ankle at one point and later she watched with me as we enjoyed OldFart executing a fine pratfall a little way down the track. The deep sympathy felt by the onlookers was voiced by Tacky as we watched him stagger to his feet and stumble/jog away. "Oh, look." She exclaimed. "He's doing dressage."

But I'm getting ahead of myself. A very large crowd gathered in and around the car park while Foghorn, Mr. Blobby, Tweenie and I indulged in a bit of footie with an oversized, split tennis ball. It was going quite well. Tweenie had managed to boot the thing up Paddy the dog's backside; Foghorn had trodden on it and nearly split himself in half; Mr. Blobby had tied his legs in knots executing a spectacular scorpion kick; and I had managed to head the thing onto a very surprised Buffalo. Unfortunately, Tom (Danish's gifted sportsman son) got hold of the ball and started playing keepie-uppie and showing off. It was the difference between Beckham and a bunch of amateur scuffers. We smiled on but knew we were outclassed.

After a hello to Carl, Marigold and TightFit (the visiting Madrid Scribe) Foghorn and I led off in the usual direction. I say usual although I've only been there once before. Luck was with us as Gutbucket and I sprang up the hill like mountain goats 'On, On'ing in a breathless but triumphant manner. Of course, it couldn't last long and I soon found myself in the bosky forest leading no-one nowhere and being attacked by sabre-toothed mosquitos. We trailed back, picking up Tweenie on the way, and joined the rear of the pack which was heading in the other direction towards boggy ground. As we moved towards it I spotted Danish and daughter Natasha executing some strange Danish dancing ritual. This involves placing the outside of the right foot against the outside right foot of your partner, with each grasping the right elbow of the other while jiggling the leg up and down. Why not try it sometime? It looks like fun.

As we reached a particularly foul smelling stream Whinge attempted to push me in, the sod. However, the angels were on the side of the handsome and he obtained a bootful of scunge all to himself. Har, har! Hashers were mistakenly picking their way across the bog instead of running fast and light across the tussocks, with the result that they a) got rather shiggy-spattered, and b) stank like a cow with diarrhoea. Fortunately, we left this lot, hurtled through some fine forest paths and found ourselves crossing the A34 by footbridge. There was some confusion after this, which allowed the pack to regroup and view the aforementioned OldFart equestrian display. The trail actually led down past a craftily laid false, so a nice bit of double-bluffing by the Hares. We curved back and they used the same method going back up the hill. Quite a lot of naughty people went straight over the false but the virtuous Tweenie and Insider turned back, urging others to do the same. The trail hurtled along between closely overhanging trees and this was where the unfortunate Baldrick was laid low. A little after was the regroup so we gathered to sympathise, Tweenie thoughtfully playing The Last Post on his bugle.

The trail split for Long and Short and I hurtled after Florence who had gone off like a rat up a drain. Presumably this was to get away from Wally who had entered voluble mode. EasyRider, Itsyor, Cyclogical, C5, Judith and others streamed along the tracks and into the woods all intent on saving what is left of their brain cells. The last time we had been here the place had been teeming with water. Fortunately, it was a lot drier this time. This didn’t stop us getting lost again, especially when Whinge called an On when he knew full well it wasn’t. The poor old sausage just didn’t want to be on his own. Aaah. C5 and I eventually fetched up at Snelsmore Common car park, site of Cheating’s abortive first attempt at a grill à barbeque. Abortive because the park ranger rightly decided to douse the flames of the unattended barby pit while we Hashed. Happy days. We cast around looking for the trail and a small group of us: OldFart, SkyDiver, ShirtLifter, Buffalo and BGB finally found it and led off at pace through the woods. From here it turned into a fast and enjoyable woodland cruise (despite losing the trail a couple of times) and we eventually sprang out of the wood and back to the On Out trail that led down to the pub road. I thought I’d try out the knee here and accelerated to speed home. Unbeknown to me, Tacky was on my tail (a pleasant enough thought!) and took great testosterone-style delight in passing me… just after I had stopped at the pub.

RA C5 presented the following :-