GBH CircuitBreaker Motormouth Hashgate Baldrick Honeymonster Eth Salome Ms. Whiplash HeyBabe ShaginaJag Cerberus Mick Spot Iceman Potty Nutcracker Hamlet and Jake the dog WetDream Tweenie Kay Ladybird Anorak Neil Dwight Centaur Carl Spex Dribbler and Paddy the dog Danish Tom Septic Dumper Steve OldFart Foghorn Bomber Cheating InCider and Kundun the dog Paul Brian Bollox Lynda Mr and Mrs Blobby Barbara Utopia Daisy Uptake Gutbucket Matthew Tacky Motox Zebedee Florence Cloggs Jenks Lonely and Beaver the dog Jo Shirtlifter Gareth Flash Puddleduck 2Bob… and a friend of mine named Dave

It was very nice to see Baldrick back running after the injury. No doubt he’ll shortly be pumping iron again and adding to the incredible slabs of muscle that adorn his chunky body. Nice also to see Dwight’s new baby Samuel joining the Hash as it’s youngest member. Samuel played his part by sleeping, burping and looking cute – two out of three of these are pastimes enjoyed by our more mature members. The rarely seen Daisy bloomed for us and Brian, InCider’s skilled joint manipulator and literary critic, graced us with his presence.

We all pushed off in the indicated direction; Motormouth and I bouncing down the road with all the pent-up, springy energy of: a) a well pumped football at the start of a cup tie clash, and b) a sagging, semi-deflated balloon at the stale end of a party. I’ll leave you to figure out which was which. We had gone but a short way down the road when my eye was caught by InCider’s bum cheeks. Unbelievably, there appeared to be a cut-out in the back of her shorts from which protruded said cheeks (no doubt she was doing it for the crack…). I nearly had to cover Motormouth’s eyes as we trotted smartly past to the very first, very obvious check of the day. Iceman got there almost last but kindly shouted out ‘Check’ in a blood-curdling Gaelic manner, just in case anyone had missed it. We started off into the forest and those damn cheeks appeared in front of us again. "Right." I thought. "In the interests of medical science I’ll give ‘em a tweak." So I did. Crikey! They were rock solid. Talk about buns of steel. I volunteered the thought to InCider that perhaps there was even more silicon to the stern than the bows. Luckily, I managed to avoid the blow and skipped off to fetch up behind Danish’s buns, which were better covered up. Lonely joined us and let us all in on his latest secret. "I’ve been experimenting with heel pads." He uttered gleefully, yet mysteriously and with a conspiratorial lift of the eyebrows. The thought that he might actually tell me what sort of experiments and possibly invite me to view his extensive private collection added wings to my heels and I crashed off into the forest.

Mr. Blobby almost managed a ’Baldrick’ and hobbled around feigning an ankle twist. No doubt to prepare the way for withdrawl from the Tough Guy on injury grounds. Various checks came and went, confusing the crap out of most of us, especially when some ran over a false to find yet another false from the other direction almost next to it! My circuit training friend Dave, on only his second Hash, remained stoic, if bemused, but was very pleased to be keeping his nice new shoes almost clean. He appeared even more bemused as we hit the beer stop (marked with an ‘H’ for Halt!) and everyone started quaffing booze like there was no tomorrow. "You got here ok then?" I queried. "Yes. I followed that chap. He seemed to know where he was going." Dave pointed at Cheating. I swallowed hard and took him aside for a short educational chat.

Unknown to Foghorn InCider had tipped some of her beer into Kundun’s (fortunately empty) colostomy bag and the dog was licking up the yellow fluid with glee. Foghorn stepped gingerly away, eyes agog, shaking his head in stuttering disbelief.

Now since we had run only a shortish way to the regroup most people felt up for the long trail. This was a distinct mistake as things got decidedly confusing. I followed out after Septic and Dumper on a nice, straight track – which suddenly shot into the forest that was thick with bracken, brambles and Hashers scurrying about in all directions. Especially when we hit a check with an ‘S’ beside it. No-one had the faintest idea what this meant so we all hurtled off in different directions. Bollox came back from checking looking a tad disgruntled so I thought I’d try up that way. Luckily, the flour blobs (although half a mile apart) were there and we were on. Mind you, so seemed to be another group rushing in from the right. We all joined up and passed through a gate. This was where we might as well have stayed since we came back here again going on a long hairpin trail. This was where Tweenie and friends retraced their steps and we carried on… to meet up at the gate later. It was getting to us. Cerberus was noted a little later coming back to a check in order to recount the number of blobs she had already seen. We joined up with Tom, Florence, Lonely and Iceman and came to a slimy, green pond into which Jake and Beaver splashed happily. Tacky showed her excellent grasp of canine psychology by throwing a stick in the pond for them both. They stood still. They looked at each other. They looked at Tacky in a supercilious manner. They walked away.

From here the flour seemed to stop and Motormouth and I were left in solitary splendour, though luckily I had a good idea where we were. Apparently, half of us managed to come back in on the out trail somehow. But do we care? No. It was a fine run through rustling, sunny woodland on a balmy summer night. And I got to pinch InCider’s bum. Many thanks to GBH and CircuitBreaker for the BH³ 1234 run!

Motox took on the RA role and presented the following :-