Incider and Kundun the dog Brian Simon Liz baby Ryan and Bubbles the dog Chopstix Foghorn Ms. Whiplash Eth Salome Cerberus Spot AWOL C5 Lonely and Beaver the dog Mafia Septic Motox Dribbler Butterfly and Paddy the dog Zebedee Florence Cheating …and much later, Flash Cap’n Haystax EasyRider

A scintillation of fairies gathered in the car park, led by those doyens of dressing up: Incider, Simon, Liz and baby Ryan. All three had superbly crafted tinsel wings and some rather effective netting. Incider sparkled as Titania, living up to her name by exhibiting a rather stunning cleavage. It has to be said that, had she actually been able to fly great care would have been necessary not to get ‘em tangled in any unexpected hedging. Foghorn had made a fine effort with a set of (almost) gossamer wings. Unlike Lonely, whose tiny cardboard jobbies, though diligently fashioned by elfin craftsmen, would not have lifted an anorexic gnat an inch from the ground. Chopstix, for some reason, was wearing a small swansfeather tiara filched from an amateur production of ‘Swan Lake’. Eth looked rather sweet in her outfit. Ms. Whiplash held a wooden spoon wrapped in bacofoil (at least she made the effort!) and Salome wore an entire Portuguese lace tablecloth around her waste. Then Florence and Zebedee arrived. Florence had essayed some sheer pink netting which looked rather fetching but Zeb had gone slightly OTT. As well as the pink T-shirt and chunk of net curtain round the waist he had opted for a bridal veil! At least when this began to bother the dogs as well as us he took it off.

At the Gather Round Fairy Queen Incider and Simon explained (to a tinkle of fairy bells at each point) that the trail was laid in fairy dust (aka sawdust – which was remarkably effective) and that there were fairy rings (checks) and fairy kisses (X’s as falses). With a wave of her wand she indicated the On Out and we flitted off to frighten the mortals of Hungerford.

It took Zeb and me quite some time to find the trail leading out along the very full canal, especially since Baldrick had led everyone else off in exactly the opposite direction. This rather set the pattern for the Hash, with lots of things screwing up the FRB’s and checks galore to steady the pack. Since Zeb had stopped for a whizzer I carried on through the churchyard, to be confronted by the most unusual old gate I have ever seen. It was made for one person at a time; five slim horizontal wooden bars reaching to waist height passing through slots in a post on the left and attached to another apparently solid, lead-topped post to the left of that. All you had to do was push down on the right hand side of the topmost bar and the lot pivoted downwards so you could step over it. Amazing! We sped back into town to meet the walkers and, ere long, we found ourselves on the Common viewing a spectacularly laid check with four arrows and a fairy kiss. That certainly buggered everyone – apart from Motox who took the uphill route, presumably since it would be easier for him to come back down if he got it wrong. From my position (miles away at the end of a false) it was truly uplifting to see the stream of fairies mincing across the Common, tinsel shimmering in the breeze, onlookers gaping in astonishment. We dived off across the rec. into a maze of checks and falses. So much so that I found myself hard-pressed to catch up with Chopstix who was front-running! Cerberus and Spot had hit the front by this time and we trolled along the edge of a large, wet field full of dead green things for quite some time. A couple of checks did for us and Motox took the lead, to pop out on to tarmac and perm of any one way from three roads. He took the ‘fairy dust’ to the right and C5, Zeb and I took the ‘fairy dust’ to the left up the hill – no obvious check you see so we were dazed and confused. Not sure what happened to Zeb but C5 and I caught sight of the walkers who urged us back the way we had come. Of course, we should all have gone straight on (round the big loop) which eventually led us back up a steep, unmade track to the fairy grotto (Brian’s car) at the regroup on (you guessed it) Hungerford Common. As we gasped up the track we sighted the extremely amusing sight of Incider, all fairy’d up, steaming across the sward and urging us towards the grotto, wand in hand. How one can breathe at times like this is beyond me.

It was fairy cakes and ale so we all tucked in, Motox later admitting to six cakes and a beer. Zeb went off to try and find Dribbler, Butterfly and Septic who were somewhat behind but this was rather a mistake on his part since they chugged in from one direction while he twinkle-toed off in another. I must also point out that Lonely, Chopstix and Florence took an almighty shortcut to get to the regroup. Shame on you sinners! Mind you, this was amply complimented by Cerberus, Spot and Motox as we started off again. Instead of going back down the track whence we had come the short-cutting b******s took a huge chunk off and headed for the canal!

Now the trail wound along the road and through a WW2 concrete fortification and it was here that Lonely, following close behind me and showing his true fairy leanings, offered to shag me in the pillbox. Whether this was a geographical or anatomical term I didn’t wait to find out but legged it out of there, down the 1 in 2 grass bank, into, across and out of the canal so fast I stayed completely dry. Stopping to view the sun-warmed scene I could see the many anglers sitting by the water with their poles out, waiting for a nibble. They all looked rather disappointed.

RA Motox presented the following :-