The Mudpack

Septic Dumper Chopstix C5 Arnie Baldrick Lynda Dribbler Butterfly and Paddy GBH Cloggs Uptake Honeymonster Old Fart Cerberus Anorak Trainspotter Greenfly Barbara HeyBabe Shaginajag Wally Foghorn Effing Party Animal BGB Salome Motox Spot Ms Whiplash Florence Hitchhiker Bomber Posh Tart Tinopener Shep and Gnarler SlipperyNipple None Yet Le Voisin Pussies Galore Tony Neil

While Zebedee and TT2 were off sampling the delights of the Big city of London, a large pack gathered at Little London for Mother and Lemming’s trail. Either the assembled hashers must have very short memories or they must love getting wet and muddy. As soon as she set eyes on Lemming Arnie’s memories of previous muddy encounters came flooding back. “I know what he’ll do to me “ she wailed as she hot-foot it back to her car. She planned to stay clean and dry (on a hash?!) for her afternoon at the stables. The wily Spot somehow used his charm to persuade her to stay. She was soon trotting off after her dear old dad, C5, who had Lemming’s brother strapped to his back.

Party Animal had decided that this hash would be good training for the gruelling Grizzly multi-terrain run which he and I have foolishly entered – he was right. The terrain changed very quickly from road to track to mud and then water. We crossed a shallow stretch of water to find ourselves forced to cross a deep murky section. Some of the tougher and taller hashers gritted their teeth and went for it. I don’t know what promises Spot had made to Arnie but he transported her across on his back .No such luck for me. Just as I was crotch-deep the ungentlemanly Shep barged past soaking me on purpose – I thanked him in my best French.

As we meandered through the woods Anorak told me how they do it differently in Australia. Not only upside down but more slowly and shorter. Intriguing! Uptake rudely interrupted before I could find out more – he seemed to think that calling was more important than chatting - what an odd idea.

As I rested at one check watching the confused masses Lemming tipped me the wink and so off I sped with Septic hot on my heels. We were trail-blazing, well clear of the rest of the pack but disappointed to find Shep already at the next check. He told me that the trail wasn’t straight ahead (it was!) so I went right. 2 miles but only 2 blobs later Greenfly and Neil passed me – it was time to retrace my steps.

Something was wrong. Despite of the additions of egg and copious amounts of mud to his bald pate Lemming was not his usual self. I wondered whether married life was taking its toll. Mother assured me that all that was wrong with him was the after effects of a dodgy kebab consumed on Friday night - nuff said.

I soon found myself in a small group including Spot, Lonely, Shep, LeVoisin and Pussies Galore pathetically lost in the woods. Eventually we climbed a fence and spotted Effing, Heybabe and Barbara out for a stroll in the sunshine with the main pack just ahead. Lemming’s brother was looking pretty deflated at this stage – it must be quite exhausting being bounced up and down by C5!!!!

Honey monster gave this trail a glowing report. Le Voisin, when he finally trailed in, declared it “a shambles” I thought it was excellent and so did Lemming’s brother so there!

Later in the pub it was lampshade time for Cloggs. Septic gave her a good grilling but managed to elicit little information about the new man in Cloggs’ life. Such was the interest that 2 hashers offered to pay for tickets to the Xmas lunch if she would bring him along – she leapt at the chance but should remember that there’s no such thing as a free lunch!

On On. Florence

GBH announced Hertfordshire 500th Run/SODOFF weekend to be held 31st Jan – 2nd Feb at Streatley Youth Hostel – see him for details

RA Motox presented the following Down Downs

Receding Hare-line

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