Put Out to Pasture

ShutupWally TinOpener Hashgate Bev Neil SlowSucker BGB LeVoisin Keith Baldrick Premature Itsyor Fiddler Spot Dribbler Butterfly David Helleth OldFart C5 HoneyMonster Motox Mr and Mrs Blobby Utopia Uplift Lonely and dog Beaver Dorthe Mark CrustyBob Pete Grant Mark Angella Florence

Pastoral Pursuits

Of course, this being the first ‘summer’ Hash all sorts of people had scraped off crusty trainers and emerged yawning and blinking into the evening air. Yes, the fair weather Hashers are officially back, along with three virgins and Mark and Angella who last Hashed with BH³ fourteen years ago – they’ve decided they liked it and came back for a second go.

2Bob (you’ll have to pretend the picture is a Florin), Puddleduck and PartyAnimal had laid a trail of devilish cunning and fiendish complication, employing certain devices that would drive our resident purists: ShutupWally and BGB to carpet-biting distraction. This was aptly illustrated as soon as we On Outed. SlowSucker, Spot and I figured that, since we always come back via the lakes we might go out that way this time. Imagine our rapture as we spotted blob after blob leading into the area. With what glee did we pursue the trail, speeding into the brush, inflated with smug exuberance. Pop! Deflation. A bar-6 (or possibly a 9, we weren’t sure) appeared and we sagged limply before turning back to advise the oncoming troops. Curiously, some were not too appreciative. Difficult to believe I know but you can’t please everyone. This was just the first of some sneaky trail-laying. Premature and I struggled to catch up with the likes of Grizzly women Uplift and Florence, being informed on the way that new boy Grant had been spotted setting his sports watch and stretching before the off! We must have a quiet word with the chap before he does himself some damage. Speaking of Florence, she was here tonight without her beau, Zebedee, who was getting in touch with his feminine side by playing a little shuttlecock and battledore – the big wuss. She, Dorthe, Mr Blobby and I were in the pub by the bar after the Hash, directly behind Baldrick who overheard us talking of the absent Zeb. The effect on him was phenomenal! His shoulders broadened and bum cheeks struggled Northwards. Turning and bowing slightly, head cocked to one side, he licked each straggly eyebrow into shape with a flick of his agile tongue, and, regarding Florence through hooded eyes, breathed huskily, “On your own tonight, eh?” You have to give the bloke credit. Straight in there. No messing. Piece of advice, Zeb. Watch out for your chattels. Someone’s coveting his neighbours (piece of) ass.

So there we were, following OldFart along the canal, who was following HoneyMonster, who was checking it out. A helpful arrow appeared!! And it still led to a bar-5. Totally confused, we backtracked and watched Mr Blobby traipse into private land past some damn great signs warning of the danger of electrocution. Unfortunately, Motox called him back. We were rather looking forward to him sporting a new hairstyle and smoking gently from the extremities. PartyAnimal appeared and helpfully placed a proper flour arrow down so that we all raced along the canalside. The problem here was clouds of midges doing aerial fandangos which you had to run through, preferably with mouth and eyes closed. Not an easy feat on uneven track with the water close by. I kept behind Helleth who was rattling along like a tram (if you’ll pardon the expression) until we got to the bridge. Rather stupidly I nipped over it, despite Premature’s ejaculation that we were heading for the underpass. I saw exactly one blob of flour, a jogger, a bloke doing up his nifty new footwear at the bus stop, two oiks in a noisy car and a lady pushing a pram. Trail there was nowt. It took a fair bit of running to catch up with Foghorn as he sped below the underpass and on to the regroup by the delightfully tarmac’d and pleasantly polluted busy interchange. We tarried awhile, breathing deeply to replace some of the carbon monoxide with dioxide. Fortunately, we didn’t have to wait too long even though ShutupWally staggered in much later than others. It was a rapid sprint across the dual carriageway and into the rubbish strewn environs towards the architecturally pleasing industrial estate.

Lonely and I were discussing the recent London Marathon and marvelling at Ms. Radcliffe’s stunning achievement. He mentioned that Anorak had actually stood by the great woman before the start of the race, no doubt melting away into the shadows as the starting horn blared… all right, I take it all back. Anorak is a damn fine runner and a well fit woman (as it were).

We planked rather rapidly through the estate, Lonely pointing out Intel’s building where he had been recently and agreeing that they had had chips for lunch. SlowSucker, Premature, CrustyBob and Pete kindly checked out the trail for us. This arrangement seemed to work rather well for us so we let ‘em carry on. Luckily we got back into some grassland again. Unluckily, we hit a well-hidden ‘F’ while checking the trail as it wandered into some recently built houses. Helleth appeared again just as we turned back – she’s a fair old runner – and managed to hide her disappointment. Fortunately, Baldrick also appeared and, while we cast about, moaning in despair like lost souls in the Third Ring of Hell he forged towards the stony embankment of the flyover with a gleam in his eye. How right he was! We picked up flour immediately and slip/slid our way up the shingle and over the A329(M). Now we knew where we were and the ‘On Inn’ confirmed it. A mere downhill step away in the gathering dusk were the lights of the pub. Bliss!

Congratulations to our Hares for an excellent and devious trail that fooled us all and kept the pack pretty well together in the early (non Long trail) stages. The length was just right too so that we returned before it got too dark. Thanks blokes – you done well!
On On. Hashgate.

Down Downs

RA Motox presented the following with excellent beer (for a change) :-

Up and Coming

1327

Announcement

ShutupWally has a Full Moon Hash at his place soon. You don’t need me to tell you when or where since he has already propoganda-flooded the Hash with bits of coloured paper telling all. Even if the trail’s crap Chris’s food will be well worth the trip! Let him know if you would like to go.